The ability to give and receive good feedback is one of the most important and often overlooked necessities for any organization. It acts as the life-blood for the success of both the employee as an individual and – by extension – their team and the company as a whole. In the absence of good feedback, it becomes impossible to define where an individual, team or project stands. While the concept of feedback is one that is well-understood, it is not always done with optimal effectiveness.
How good do you think your feedback is? And how would you rate the feedback that you have received? No matter how well intentioned, comprehensive and precise the feedback you have been giving or receiving may be, the effectiveness of the delivery and how much it impacts the receiver matter, too. In fact, if it does not impact the receiver in the way it is supposed to, this feedback becomes useless. However, the responsibility does not fall on the giver alone. Feedback might be rendered equally useless if the receiver doesn’t know how to receive the feedback and what to do with it.
We all believe that we are good at sharing our thoughts with the people around us, and that may be the case for some of you. But, I encourage you all to think back and recall the situations in which you have given other people advice. How many of them ended up following it, and when they did, did they do so without strife or reluctance? Then, think about the last time you received a piece of feedback you did not like very much. How did you choose to deal with it? Were you dismissive or did you take it upon yourself to turn that negative feedback into inspiration for positive change?
Depending on how you answered those questions, you may need to reevaluate the way in which you give and receive feedback. So, how can you optimize your feedback to make it more meaningful and productive? And what are the steps to receiving feedback in a proactive manner?
Dialogue, not discord
Remember that the process of giving and receiving feedback is not supposed to dissolve into an argument. It is not a ping-pong match, in which the giver and receiver throw passes at one another in hopes of winning. Both the giver and receiver must be sincere in their intentions and put in genuine effort to understand and appreciate the point of view of the other person.
If you are giving feedback and are seeking to change the other person’s perspective or make them see your point, you should approach them with every intention of putting yourself in their shoes. Similarly, if you are receiving feedback and your ears pick up on a point you think is incorrect or inaccurate, you should make the effort to understand and value the giver’s point of view instead of feeling tempted to interject.
Giving good feedback: an overview
• Intentions vs Actions
While you might be tempted to link your criticisms to apparent personality flaws, you should not. Doing so would cross the line from professional to personal. You need to remember that you are not making a comment on the type of person that they are, or their beliefs and values. Your sole responsibility is to comment on their behavior and performance. Focusing the attention on the person’s actions (what they do and say) rather on them as a person creates a separation between the problems you are raising and their identity, which will enable them to focus on what you are saying instead of feeling personally confronted.
You should also consider the reason you are giving feedback. Even if it is for an annual performance review, you should ask yourself where your feedback is coming from, and with what purpose? If you are solely giving feedback to appease a third party, then that is not a good enough reason to back your criticisms. Instead your aim when giving feedback should be to guide the other person, express concern and support and from a sense of responsibility. This will help ensure that the feedback you give is sincere, which, in turn, will make it easier for the receiver to accept your feedback.
• Leading with questions
Beginning the conversation by asking the receiver questions helps them feel like this is a two-way street and will ease some of the nerves and tension. Instead of launching headfirst into your assessment, ask them how they think they have been performing? Allowing them to assess themselves first will give them joint ownership of the feedback process and give you some added perspective on the employee.
• Constructive criticism sandwich
An interesting and effective method to give feedback is to pack it together in what is referred to as a constructive criticism sandwich. What this means is that instead of leading with the problem, you first dilute its potency by giving praise first, then addressing the problem then finishing off with more phrase. In fact, the more positively this conversation is framed, the more likely it is that the other person will leave the room and work on making the changes you want to see. Below is a constructive criticism sandwich recipe for you to follow:
1. The top bun: Begin with some positive comments regarding the situation in question.
2. Lettuce: Give praise to the person’s strong points.
3. Tomatoes: Give compliments
4. Cheese: Address the problem and your criticisms
5. Patty: Remind them of their strong points
6. Bottom bun: Give thanks, offer support in the necessary areas of improvement and end the conversation on a good note.
Receiving feedback well: an overview
• Receiving feedback often
The best way to prepare for criticism and not be caught off guard by it is to ask for feedback openly and more often. Instead of feeling sidelined and being smacked in the face with a shocking piece of information at the end of the year, invite feedback often from those you trust and whose opinion you respect as well as your direct report. This will soften the blow and also allow you to take the steps to make the necessary changes ahead of time.
You should ask them some questions about your performance, such as ‘How do you think I can handle my tasks more effectively?’ or ‘If you had to give two suggestions for improving my work what would they be?’
• Reflection before response
After the person speaking to you is done giving feedback, and only then, you need to think about how to respond. If you follow the advice mentioned earlier, then you would have been actively listening throughout the discussion. It might be tempting to become defensive or “explain away” the criticism, but you must listen deeply and then ask thoughtful follow-up questions. If you feel that you are too heated up to respond immediately, then ask for some time to reflect on what you have heard and tackle it one element at a time. Acknowledge the points they have made and ensure the other person feels that you have really listened to them and considered their point of view. Then ask for time to think about this and set a deadline for when you will continue the conversation.
• Dynamic, not static
While most of us have a hard time receiving feedback, especially if it is negative, there are some people out there who thrive on feedback. These types of people have what is called a growth mindset. What this means is that they embrace challenges, persist in the face of obstacles, see effort and trial-and-error as the path to mastery, learn for criticism and find lessons and inspiration in the knowledge of others. As a result, these types of people tend to grow more and achieve greater success than those with a static or ‘fixed’ mindset.
You can develop a growth mindset by starting small, learning from your failures and slowly gaining confidence and expertise with each new step you take. Think of it as learning an instrument. Unless you are a prodigy, you won’t immediately know what to do, and your performance will be very basic at first. But, by keeping at it, practicing and trying frequently, you will eventually master the instrument. Similarly, by learning from your mistakes and trying new ways to succeed, you, too, will become a master at what you do.
Additionally, you should embrace failure. It is in our nature not to accept criticism that challenges the way we view ourselves and it may be tempting to blame your shortcomings on external factors. However, embracing failure is an excellent way to make good use of the feedback you receive.
How good are you at giving and receiving feedback? Whether your answer at the beginning was ‘I’m great at it’ or ‘I’m not good at all’, we hope your answer now is ‘I could and will be better’.
As always, sound off in the comments below, let us know what you think, and share any stories you might have on this topic.
