Whether you’re preparing to start at a new job or you’re expecting a promotion around the corner, there’s no skill that quite literally pays better than learning how to negotiate effectively. But first things first, I’d like to make you aware of a certain reality. Within any negotiation, each side is looking to get every last bit of value from their counterpart whilst preserving as much of their resources (i.e., time and money) as possible. Sounds harsh, but it’s true; the employee is looking to make the most amount of money while expending as little effort as possible, and the employer is expecting the best possible results while spending as little as possible.
With that premise laid out, let’s explore how you can ethically and morally use certain principles to influence the other side to fulfill your heart’s desire.
You shouldn’t hate negotiation, but you don’t have to like it either
As far as cliches go, there is nothing that strikes better than “Life is negotiation.” Be that as it may, it rings true. Consider the fact that almost anything you do that involves another person is a form of negotiation. An interaction where two drivers make eye contact to contest their right of way, or where two businesspeople make a deal worth hundreds of millions of dollars, are both forms of negotiation. Obviously, they lie in vastly different areas along a spectrum, but both are part of the spectrum, nonetheless.
Oh, and when I say to not hate negotiation, I don’t necessarily mean to you have to put with it. All I’m saying is that you need to understand that’s how the world works, and that you need to calibrate to that. You see, negotiation is nothing more than playing something that human society is set up for: the emotional game.
Simple as that.
Become a people mover
One of the best things you can do as a negotiator is to get comfortable with studying the (relatively) simple workings of human psychology. That is, to understand that humans do certain things for certain reasons, and to not get too entangled or resistant to that reality. In other words, understand that we all have an animalistic side of our brain that is fast, instinctive, and emotional. This is the one that’s behind the steering wheel when it comes to what’s driving our “rational” thoughts.
(In other words, we most often decide based on what we’re feeling and then use our thoughts to rationalize our decision.)
If you negotiate based on that premise, you’re already ahead of most of the game – because everyone else is stuck thinking the intellect is what’s calling the shots. You, on the other hand, know that emotions are what’s really behind almost everything we do.
Focus on the person, not the problem
As we tend to focus solely on achieving our own interests, we usually fall into the trap of being overly concerned with what we want, whilst neglecting the desires (erroneously so) of the other side. Instead, what must happen is your actively listening, as well fully understanding where the other side’s coming from. (Not sympathy – which is condoning of someone’s needs. Note that understanding something and approving of it are two very different things.)
Resorting to the usual knee-jerk response to defend your position and see the other side as the “enemy” will often lead to a stalemate because neither side is willing to discuss the third option. Therefore, both parties get stuck in a conflict of interests. A big no-no. Good negotiators are good because they're capable of forgetting about themselves for a second. They’re skilled at taking the other side’s wants and needs into account and negotiate according to them. And once you discover what they need (monetarily, emotionally, etc.), get them feeling safe enough that they don’t stop talking.
Expect surprises along the way
A great how-to book for negotiation, called Never Split the Difference (which is the inspiration for this blog post), says the following: “Good negotiators, going in, know they have to be ready for possible surprises; great negotiators aim to use their skills to reveal the surprises they are certain to exist.” So, go into the situation expecting to be surprised along the way. This way, you won’t be caught off guard if and when the other side throws a curveball your way.
Talk to them like a friend
Sounds simple enough, right? Maybe, but I wouldn’t write off this as a trite, parroted piece of advice just yet. Imagine you’re sitting down with a longtime friend, a salt-of-the-earth kind of guy (or gal), whom you love and who loves you back, and you’re trying to reach an agreement that feels good for the both of you. That’s already way much easier than talking to a complete stranger (or your boss) who feels like they possess the keys of your professional fate in their hands.
Granted, if you already have a history with the individual, it’s going to be a bit harder to put this into practice. Nevertheless… if you manage to see the other person already as your friend, the conversation – which is what any negotiation is – is that much closer to drawing to a satisfactory conclusion.
Go in with a number in mind
Because if you don’t, you’re already showing that you don’t know your own value and are thereby automatically leaving too much money on the table. Not a very good spot to find yourself in, right? Here’s what you can do: Go in with a number in mind, but not the one you’re actually aiming for.
This is a common, well-known technique known as anchoring, but it deserves to be mentioned.
Oftentimes, the very first number you reveal will be met with resistance and you’ll be asked to bid lower. You can put this to your advantage by initially asking for a number higher than your true ask, and that initial number becomes your “anchor.” That way, when you comply with their request and eventually bid lower, you’ll land comfortably in the ballpark of your original number anyways. Hooray!
Negotiations can be a scary thing, especially when you’re new to the dynamic, and most especially if you have a history of struggling to ask for something. But using the right mindset, techniques, and having a knowledgeable understanding of basic human psychology that allows you to ethically influence the other side will have you closing the best possible deals.
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